Spanks But No Spanx

*WARNING: If you are a guy, stop reading this post right now. Keep reading and women will become slightly less mysterious, and slightly more bizarre.*  Don't say I didn't warn you.

I pride myself on my looks. That's why when Momma wants to look extra special (i.e. less lumpy and more yummy), she pulls out what any other self-respecting woman would...a "slim cognito seamless mid-thigh shaper" ofcourse! (Try saying that 5 times fast). It's better known by its dressing room name - Spanx.

Sure, it takes the coordination of a NASA astronaut docking at the spacestation to cram yourself into one. But just like the advert says, it will make the inches disappear! That's because Spanx pushes your love handles from your hips to somewhere amongst your internal organs. But man, you look good. You could bounce a quarter off that ass. Trust me, I've tried.

Lately I've come to realize that I've been wearing the Spanx just a little too much. My one and only pair, has given out. My Spanx have lost their will to torture contain my womanly overcurves. I didn't even know that was possible. Sigh.

Coincidentally, number of days without jelly beans = 0