I'm a Taurus (don't pretend to be surprised).
Today, my horoscope said: "Let your hair down a bit. Take time to learn more about an adversary, a client, or an attractive new hook-up."
What my horoscope should have said: "Pull your hair out a bit. Take time to fight with your husband, a coworker or random @$$!&*^. Your PMS will be in overdrive causing you to consider a self-hysterectomy. But you're too squeamish. Instead, listen to your ovaries scream "I'm melting" like the Wicked Witch of the West as they come closer and closer to shrivelling up."
Or something like that.